Truths about caring for a newborn that I forgot.

One of the greatest things about the human brain is how it blocks the details of things that are unpleasant or traumatizing.  In horrific circumstances (disasters, abuse, attacks) it's the brain's way of protecting itself so that we are allowed to function beyond that event and go on with our lives.  In other unpleasant or painful situations (childbirth, caring for a newborn) it's nature's way of guaranteeing we don't stop after one.  Of course this is a gross generalization and there are exceptions, but this happened to me and I had forgotten some details of caring for a newborn (no doubt sleep-deprived-amnesia).......so to ensure I don't forget again.....

1. The smaller you are, the cuter everything is that you do, no matter how gross.  No one walks up to a random adult stranger in the bathroom and comment on how cute their poop is.  But an infant? "AWWWW Look at the little stinky pants.  Did you make a wittle stinky?"

2.  You're not going to sleep.  Forget about it, quit trying to force it, DEAL.

3. The most vocal parenting experts are those without children of their own.

4.  I really REALLY hate formula company marketing tactics.  I don't care how you feed your kid.  Really.  If your kid does best on vitamin-fortified goats milk, go for it (although in that case I'm sure the doctor would try and talk you out of it....)  But when someone *wants* to breastfeed and a company actively sabotages that to make money...that pisses me off.  It also makes me mad that those tactics ("free" samples, etc) are paid for by those of you who use formula.  It's built into the price.  You are paying more than you should so that some billionaire can advertise formula and undermine breastfeeding, against the law, in developing countries where clean water is a huge issue. So if you're using it not by choice but because you had to?  I'm mad FOR you.

5.  A newborn is like a drunk person.  You can't understand them because all they do is cry, they can't hold their head up, you have to carry them everywhere, they definitely shouldn't drive, and they're always reaching for boobs or bottles. 

6.  A baby monitor is not necessary in a house that is only 1000 square feet.

7. A man in a park with a baby? Hot chick magnet.  A woman in a park with a baby? Grandma magnet.  And other moms.  (Not that I'm looking, Tyson.....I'm jus' sayin'....)  Any single guys wanna babysit for me?

8.  There is not much that is funnier than hearing a baby poop when someone else is holding them, and watching that person's face.  Possession is 9/10ths right?