Tuesday, March 8, 2011

In honor of Mr. Carlisle

So my high school choir director is the king of puns. Notice I say "is" not "was." The only person I have ever found that even came close to that level of punniness was my first psych professor at Mt. Hood (make of THAT what you will....) and my mother-in-law.

So Kelly, this one is for you. =) (credit to talkbass.com for this Schickele-inspired masterpiece)

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar.
The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat.

An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second."

An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes.

The bartender says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit and stands there au natural. Eventually, the C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Obviously this has been bugging me.

OK, I need to get a few things out of my system, then I will go back to observing my rule about not posting political stuff, because I am aware y'all don't agree with me or each other on everything and it's just not worth the drama.

But before I do, I would like to clarify some things for all of you who are not teachers. Just like being a kid does not make you an expert on parenting, being a student for 12 years does not make you an expert on education. As a student you do not see the big picture---even adults with kids in school who see MORE of the big picture still don't see everything, and their bias is naturally (and should be) focused on their kids, not the whole class.

1) Having an educated society benefits everyone, not just people with kids in school. That's why we ALL pay taxes for it, even if we're not using the service directly. My cooperating teacher used to say he was in teaching to help make sure the gangbangers grew up to be people he could live next door to. A kid who graduates from high school and can read is a kid who will probably grow up to be employed, and is much less likely to turn a house on your street into a meth factory.

2) We do get about 12 weeks off a year. But two of those are in December, one in March or April, and probably another week or two total for all the federal holidays (which other government workers get as well). We get paid for 180 days of work. But somehow I doubt legislators would pay us more if we worked the entire year. And the reason I doubt this is:

3) We have to pay money to keep our jobs. That's right. Name me ONE private sector job where that is the case. Nursing? maybe? Just to KEEP my job (which hasn't worked very well since I've been laid off twice) I have paid more than $10,000 taking classes to get my permanent license. That's not counting the almost $30,000 more I paid to get my master's degree so I could live above the poverty line---by the way in Washington that only gets me to about $45K if I was able to find a full time job. After I get my permanent license, I will have to take classes every five years to keep that license current. Out of pocket. Some districts reimburse you partly, but it's almost never the full amount.

In places where the "news" tells you that teachers make more than 45 or 50K, it's almost ALWAYS because the cost of living is higher there. In Clark County WA, people pay about $500 a year in taxes per 100K value of their home. That's ridiculously low compared to other places in the country. So our public servant pay is also understandably much lower.

4) 100% of my retirement comes out of my salary. Let that sink in. one-hundred-percent. And I don't just contribute to the state pension fund, I also have a private account because I'm not sure the state will have the money to pay me when I retire, and I'm also not sure if I'm eligible for Social Security (lots of states disqualify you for SS if you are a public employee). The money for that private account ALSO comes out of my salary. As well as SS contributions I may never get back. So to say that teachers get $40k of benefits or that cutting my retirement contribution would help state deficits would be laughable if so many people didn't believe it.

5) Bad teachers are not the problem, and unions do not really protect them. Nothing is ever that simple. Are there bad teachers? Yes, but not as many as you think. Think back to all the teachers you had in school. If you did the typical k-12, that's as many as 24-30 teachers. Out of those, how many were actually BAD? And I don't mean you had a personality conflict or political differences. How many were actually ineffective at getting ideas across? And of those, was it really the teacher or were you not interested in the subject so didn't work as hard as you could? I can only think of one for myself.

And of the hundreds of teachers I've worked with, I can only think of maybe 2 or 3 that I would consider "bad" (ineffective and/or shouldn't be teaching---not teachers with whom I differ in philosophy). 2 of those didn't start out that way, they were beaten down by a school district too large to be personal, and too many kids with needs not being met, and no resources to help the kids. In other words, the environment turned them into bad teachers....where they felt helpless and alone so gave up the fight. If you want to get rid of bad teachers, make it possible for them to succeed first and you might find there are more good teachers than bad. But of course, that might cost money and we can't have that...

As far as unions "protecting" bad teachers? Only in terms of tenure, if that even exists anymore. I have been laid off twice despite having stellar recommendations and reviews simply because I hadn't been working long enough. I can't lie, I do resent that a bit (especially in one case where I felt I was much more effective than the other music teacher I worked with). But I also know that after 30 years of dealing with low pay and low respect that I sure wouldn't want to be laid off so they could hire someone younger and cheaper. That is something the private sector does that I would like to avoid. But I would like to see more accountability for older teachers, holding them to the same standard they expect all new teachers to meet. And by accountability I don't mean test scores. I mean peer review. I mean making them recertify every 10 years (which is what National Board Certified teachers have to do), I mean making sure that they can attach a file to their effing email for crying out loud....technology is a standard these days.

6) The problem with "merit pay" is that not every subject is tested. So how can you base pay on test scores for some teachers but not others? Are we going to start testing every subject? Or do we give principals all the power to hire and fire people and just hope that the principal you work for never has a personality or philosophical conflict? And if there is no union, who is going to stand up for you? That lawyer you can hire with your $3000 a month take home pay?

7) There is very little accountability for student behavior. I would say that in the schools I have worked in, teaching appropriate behavior takes up at least half my instructional time. Then there's the time I spend after school making phone calls, making a paper trail of phone calls, emails, and meetings with administrators (to protect myself in case the kid gets mad and decides to make an accusation to get me in trouble---this happens more often than you would think...union-hired lawyers help protect us from that crap, too). I think my current district and the last one I worked for have been the best in terms of holding kids accountable, but there are legal things that keep administration from truly supporting us.

8) Private schools do better than public schools with less money because they can turn people away. It's that simple. And the people they do accept have already taken the initiative to apply and pay for it. That is a statistical indicator that the student will be more successful anyway. Imposing that model (through vouchers or charters) onto public schools will not fix the problems we have. We can't turn kids away. We don't have 100% involved parents. In the districts I've worked in that have charter schools or "open enrollment" (where kids can pick where they go) the kids with money and involved parents get into the good schools and the other kids are concentrated in another. Doesn't that sound like a recipe for success, huh? You can't expect schools to "fix" every societal problem if you won't give us the tools to make it happen (and I don't just mean money).

9) I never resent people in the private sector who make more money than I do. I chose this, and they are at more risk to the fluctuations of the market. They should get paid more to take that risk. But when the market goes sour, don't blame ME for choosing what I did. And don't you try to tell me that my pitiful salary is the reason the states have no money.

OK, back to our regularly scheduled blog and Facebook posts about Sam's potty training adventures. I feel better now.